The secret: nothingness.

It was the first day and I was scared. Not scared as in fear but scared as in apprehension. The unknown. You face that every time. Faster heartbeat. Raised tension in your shoulders.  A kind of tingle in the pit of your stomach. Let it go. Fail to rein it in and it takes you over.

You then start to shiver. Your heart hammers. You want to let your bowels go. Debase yourself. Become a cur, a nothing. Invisible because you are beyond contempt.

That’s how it feels before it starts.

Understand why: It’s not the training itself. It cannot kill you so it can only make you tired. You may get hurt but you could do that getting out of bed in the morning, so there is no reason to fear that. What makes you afraid are your thoughts. Here, you are being judged. You are on show. You are afraid to make mistakes. Look bad.

You need to understand that otherwise that fear will destroy you. Lock you up so tight you will no be able to even raise your finger in your own defence.

The moment you understand this you realise that you need to fight your own fear. Those who do not know us think we fight and win. We somehow lock our fear down, overpower it, make it tame. Nothing could be further from the truth.

We embrace our fear. Let it take over and follow its path. Divert its worse rage. What is left then is the sense that if we die what we gain is release. In that we spend ourselves. Alive we feel nothigness. It is in us. We understand we are inconsequential. What gives us meaning is not who we are but what we do.

Through us the Law works.